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fromg, y'guys.

Mar. 12th, 2007 | 10:23 pm

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JFYI

Jan. 8th, 2007 | 02:47 pm
Habitation: My Bed.
Mentality: blankblank

For those who were wondering, Randy's service will be at 6pm tomorrow, at Christian Fellowship of Crystal Lake church (it's on Crystal Lake Avenue, past Miller Road a ways...)

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The End

Jan. 7th, 2007 | 11:12 pm
Habitation: My Bed.
Mentality: scaredlost
The Waves: Nothing at all.

My stepfather Randy died early this morning on Sunday, January 7th, 2007, the day after I returned from State Theatre Festival at ISU. It was like he was waiting for me, so that I could see him one last time. He was 60 years old. His service is on Tuesday evening.

I love him, and it hasn't quite sunk in yet, but I know that now everyone else has gone home, and my mom to bed, I will surely cry.

I am glad that his suffering has ended, but in a very selfish, human way, I wish he were still here. He was a father to me in many ways that my own father was not, and I....

I will never get to speak to him again, and the last and strongest memories I have of him, are of him as a shrivelled up, man with merely wisps of hair, laying in a hospital bed.

All I can do, is do my best to remember him as the strong paternal figure I knew, who was there when my mother was diagnosed, and I needed him most. He was my strength then, and I only regret that I couldn't do anything for him.

This is for you, Randy Gene Zornow. As I finish this post, and my first tears begin to fall, I know that you will always be a father to me.

Cheers, all.
Cheers.

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What is the Point?

Oct. 27th, 2006 | 08:37 pm
Habitation: My Bed.
Mentality: coldcold

I believe that we live to touch others. That is what a friend is. Someone who is there to inspire, encourage, and support the other in a positive way, so that they can help each other out of difficult situations.

What is the point of bothering, though, when you realize that you aren't needed? One of the people I care for most in my life is my best friend. But she doesn't need me. She doesn't care about or love me. If I vanished, she would barely blink. I realized this today. She talks to me and looks at me the same way as everyone else. Or colder, even. And if I ever told her this, she wouldn't care. She'd say it was my fault.

I always thought that as long as she needed me, for a little thing, for something, that she'd have a reason to pretend to care about me. So now that I have a license, I drive her everywhere she needs or wants to be. I do everything for her. Whatever she asks or wants, I do without question or complaint. I do the best that I can, to be the very best friend to her that I can.
And online, she always consoles me, and is friendly to me, and seems grateful.

I guess it's much easier to pretend to care about someone when you're typing it in the same way that you type the emotions of the characters you portray in imaginary scenarios.

She is my very best friend, and I love her more than a large majority of my family. She is funny, and so smart, and she is just great. I tell her so.
She means almost everything to me, to have a friend like that.
And I ..... am nothing to her.

I've realized....that....

To me, she is irreplaceable... and....
To her, I am disposable.

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Just so stupid

Oct. 27th, 2006 | 12:18 am
Habitation: My Bed.
Mentality: depresseddepressed

Sometimes, I just feel like such ... an idiot.

Often times, my best friend tells me that I am one. She makes me feel really stupid sometimes. Like, today before I left drama, we were taking crew pictures, right? And I wasn't in all black, and she was like "Well, you could have brought them to change into, and then changed out of them,"
and I wanted to get mad at her. Yell at her and be like "Hello, what do you want me to do about it NOW?" but I didn't. I was so mad up until I got to work (after having managed to lock my keys in my car with the engine still running)....and realized that she was absolutely right. I could have, but I didn't, and that was my fault. I'm just...... so stupid.

I get mad, I want to get mad, until I realize she's right. She's just totally right.

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.......worst year ever.

Oct. 19th, 2006 | 06:08 pm
Habitation: My Bed.
Mentality: crushedcrushed
The Waves: Song: The Mummer's Dance || Artist: Loreena McKennitt

Have you ever made a decision that effected you in such a bad way that you wished you could go back and never make that decision?

I did that today.

I've been sick all week, but whenever I had an after school activity to go to, I stuck it out, or went in for half of the day. I didn't realize that half of the day was actual policy.
I went home today....after 2nd hour.
When I got to the auditorium today, Weidner looked at me and said he couldn't let me perform. That I had to have been there for half the day. Apparently, he tried really hard. He'd been emailing the administration all day, trying to get them to let me play. I had no idea.
The pathetic thing about it? I went home so early so that I could rest up... before the concert.

My last fall concert.... I don't even get to be in yearbook pictures, now. My senior yearbook. Why is it that this year is just going so terribly wrong? I hate 2006 with a fiery passion. It has been, without a doubt, the worst year of my entire life.

This concert, I was supposed to be in three ensembles. Marching, Concert, and Symphonic band, in which I was playing the flute, the baritone saxophone, and the tuba respectively. I'm in a featured trio in Marching band, with two other people, and now my part won't be played. I was supposed to read the concert notes for one of the songs--my favourite song--in Concert Band. Also, being the bari sax, I was the loudest in the band, and without me,well.... I really hope they're fair well. It's not that I'm that much better than them, but that they're inexperienced and they aren't confident. The ones that do play really well just don't believe they do. They're all so quiet, and a lot of them have trouble counting. They're....... going to fall apart. I just know it.

So much for senior year memories. Out of all the concerts we do, this one was always my favourite. I really, truly hope everyone does well.

Cheers, Bets.

~PS: Randy's colonoscopy came back really bad. He has a tumor there, too.

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ghh...

Oct. 18th, 2006 | 09:49 pm
Habitation: My Bed.
Mentality: sicksick

OK, so I've been super mega sick lately. So Sar, if you're wondering why I was ticked off, it was mostly because I walked back there, and then I had to walk all the way back around outside in the cold and damp, being sick, because they locked the inside door.

Randy Update:
He hasn't gotten any better, but he hasn't gotten any worse, either, which is good. They put the thing in his thigh so that they can start doing khemo (sp?) therapy, however they can't start yet because someone forgot to send test results in=, or something. :\ pisses me off. People shouldn't have room to be incompetant when someone's life is on the line.

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Yeah, so, it's probably Cancer.

Oct. 9th, 2006 | 09:36 pm
Habitation: My Bed.
Mentality: crappycrappy
The Waves: Song: The Dominoes Fall || From: V for Vendetta

Randy was re-admitted to the hospital, and finally, they realized that the problem is in his heart. He probably has heart cancer--in fact, the doctors are HOPING that it's heart cancer. If it is, it can be treated with khemo(sp?) therapy and radiation. If it's not, they have to do open-heart surgery.

The problem is in his superior Vena Cava, which appears to be 98% constricted. They have to do a biopsy THROUGH his lung (they have to collapse it) in order to get to it, because the Superior Vena Cava is in the back of the heart.

So yeah. That's that.

Umm... Oh!

Sar, here's an example of how slow Laura is at shelving, okay? I'm not going nuts.

She took out a cart of Jr. Nonfiction at like, 4:30......and didn't come back until AFTER 7. yeah. Not kidding. There are ISSUES there. ONE CART. I had already taken out 4 and staged a 5th before she even came back. STEVE had even taken out 3 or 4 carts. I'm not overreacting. Dx something's wrong about that. I really like Laura, she's a nice girl, but I don't know what she DOES out there, because yeah. slooow.

:3 Cheers! Bets.

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We Actually Won. For Serious.

Oct. 8th, 2006 | 12:01 am
Habitation: My Bed.
Mentality: accomplishedaccomplished

So you know how McHenry, the poor town with the small marching band always comes in last?

We won. We swept AA class for first place in Color Guard, in Drumline, and overall. It's a dream come true for us seniors, with this being our last competition. But of course, the night could not end without a setback.

Our trailor--and the formerly beautiful silver truck driving it--got into an accident on Route 120. Our bus approached it, and we could see some sort of SUV in the middle of the road, some cops, our trailor on the curb, and the truck also on the curb--the axel laying on the pavement beneath it, a huge dent in it.
We immediately started saying "oh my god," and "who was driving that truck?"
Then, behind us, I could hear Shelly Nasello--a girl in my section--say "...my mommy,"

Luckily, no one was hurt, but it was a shock, to say the least. However, there were no ambulences, so... everything is okay. No one was hurt, the trailor and its contents (large instruments, percussion equipment, new uniforms) are hopefully fine, but the truck=totaled.

:3 so yeah. :D But we won, and that's what matters. Go poor school!

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Blank Thought

Oct. 5th, 2006 | 10:54 pm
Habitation: My Bed.
Mentality: hungryhungry
The Waves: SSong: I Found a Reason || Artist: Cat Power

So we have off school tomorrow and Monday. Hardcore.

So this last Monday, I was at work, right? Now, I'd already been having the worst day imagineable, and I really REALLY did not want to go to work. I was texting Rachel through the whole shift and such, and about every fifteen minutes or so, the weather alert thing would go off, letting us know that there was a severe thunderstorm warning in some county North of us, headed our way.
The last two or three times before it actually called us, I'd yell out "McHenry~" when it would start making the warning noise, and everyone would laugh.
One of those times, it told us there was a tornado sighted in Lake County just North of us. Luckily, it went into lake Michigan, but still.
Tornadoes scare the everloving SHIT out of me. >< I love thunderstorms and stuff, but too much wind is scary. Seriously.

But yeah. When the storm finally hit us, it was pouring madly, hailing, and there was a flash flood. The POWER went out in the library about 5 minutes til closing, and we had to go fish patrons out of the back and stuff. It was NUTS. Everyone was on their cellphones and stuff, and I called Rache.
Then we left, and what part of the storm was it when I had to drive home? That's right. The FLASH FLOOD. GAH! >< I was soooo scared. Not gonna lie. The flood wouldn't've bothered me except that I had to DRIVE in it. Rt. 31 and Crystal Lake avenue were like, half-flooded. However, luckily for me, Rache stayed on the phone with me on speaker while I drove (I had the phone in my lap), and Laurie (Rex) followed me home (cos we live kinda near each other) to make sure I got home safely. How sweet is that?! Very!

But yeah. That was my day

Today at work was boring, but there was like, NOTHING to do for adult. It was hardcore. <3

>>EDIT:

Oh yeah. I ought to update on the Randy situation, since people keep asking. He's still been at home. When he stands up, he gets dizzy and passes out sometimes. :\ not good. He was SUPPOSED to get injections into his neck or something yesterday, but when they drove out to Elgin to get them, the insurance country screwed us over again and was like like "Um, no, we forgot about you, so you have to wait until Friday,".

Assholes.


Cheers,

Bets. <3

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